Yo dont text me then not text me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
