My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
