WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need a beard to bite.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
