420 ftw
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
