If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
