no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
