I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
