I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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