i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
