its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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