I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
