3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Randomize
