you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
