C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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