when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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