is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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