dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
