Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
