The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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