I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
