There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
