Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
