Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
