it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
