i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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