I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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