The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
