yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
