Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
