I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
