I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
And then he peed in my hair
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