Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
