You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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