You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
