I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
