My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
