I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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