I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
