I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
