i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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