so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
