I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just cropdusted the office
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
