Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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