we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
