I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
