i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
