apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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