Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
