I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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