Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
