to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
