I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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