dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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