highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
