I've blown a few things in my day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
