I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am puke
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dicks are not precious.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
